To Be Honest ≠ Best Results

To be honest, you're my best friend in the world. You know me better than anyone, and you always make me feel valuable, even at my lowest of lows.

To be honest, I think of you as my brother. I look up to you. I use you as a role model in tough situations. I admire you.

To be honest, I have a fear of disappointing you. The naturopath told me that I am not the cause of any person's disappointment ever, but I still have this fear.

To be honest, I don't like her, but you already know that. I know that I'm biased because the past history of resentment between her and I, but it's more than that. I don't like how she doesn't respect you, your family, or your friends.

To be honest, it sometimes makes me sick when I think of how you put up with her. She treats you like shit, and yet you don't try to stop her. I don't understand what you see in her, and I probably never will.

To be honest, I'll probably never approve of the two of you. I'd like to think that if you ever got married, that you would ask me to be your best man, but if you married her, I know you wouldn't ask because keeping a fiancée happy at the wedding is more important than coddling your friend's ego.

To be honest, I'd try my best to be happy for you if you decide that she's "the one." I'd swallow my resentment, and put a smile on for you. I've never been good at lying to you, but that wouldn't stop me from trying. Maybe you'd even accept my effort and let sleeping giants lay.

To be honest, I simply want you to be happy. The question of whether or not what makes you happy is what is best for you is non-applicable.

To be honest, I'll probably never be able to tell you any of this to your face because I'm am hopelessly terrible at serious face to face communication.
To be honest...



Okay, so I am much beyond being over-tired while I'm writing this. There is this little voice inside my head that is telling me not to write this, not to publish this, not to even complete the thought. I'm ignoring it. Oh well! Now I challenge you, reader, to think of your own "to be honest..."



Peace and good night!

Spring Break Trip!

So last week for Spring Break, I went on a volunteer trip that lasted eight days with forty random people that I didn't know. For the first six days of the trip, we went to six cities to volunteer, a new city each day. We would do our service in the morning, and in the afternoons we would site-see and drive to our next city. Our site-seeing took us to places like Car-henge, Scottsbluffs, and the world's longest walking bridge in Nebraska, a bison ranch in South Dakota, and Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado. At these places I got to climb a national monument, ride a car-dinosaur, and slide down a frozen waterfall!

I wasn't sure how many friends I was going to make, but it just so happens that I made forty new friends, and they are all great. I became especially good friends with Allie, Lau, Longyu, and Miranda. The trip was great, and well worth it. Thank you to everyone that was with me. I will never forget this experience.

Between Friends

What is a friend?

Friendship, as defined by Wikipedia, "is a relationship between two or more people who hold mutual affection for each other." As defined by Merriam-Webster is "one attached to another by affection or esteem; a favored companion." According to the Dalai Lama, "friendship is when your love for someone exceeds your need for them."

So what is a friend...?

A friend is not someone you chill with because you have nothing better to do. A friend is not when you have to talk to someone about something you don't particularly care about. They are not someone that you buy a Walmart giftcard for on their birthday because you couldn't think of something better. They are not someone you ditch when their may be something more exciting to do. A friend is not someone that you could care less about.

A friend IS someone you skip a party for to go spend some time with. A true friend is someone you tell your feelings to. You can talk to them about things that you never could with your mother, brother, or partner. A friend is someone you don't talk to because you have to, but because you want to; someone you go out of your way to be with. They are someone you can disagree with, and that very disagreement only brings you closer. A friend is someone who lets you rest your head on their shoulder while you cry. A friend is the person you let cry on your shoulder while you assure them that it's okay even though you both know it may not be. Friendship is when you love someone so much that you genuinely want them to be happy even if it means sacrificing something of yourself for that to happen.

This a what being a friend means to me. Let me know what you think in the comments below.

Peace out.

my best friend.

~ a friend worth knowing ~

always near in times of need

bound by some unwritten creed

us two do share a common bond

together we have grown so fond

a friendship forged to best the times

holding strong though the clock still chimes

standing up ‘gainst any challenge

nothing too great we cannot manage

trust beyond all sense and reason

enduring through endless seasons

is someone that will always care

forget not that which we do share

my best friend.

My Life in a Snap Shot

I already have told it. It was my college admission essay. This is it...

This is it, my moment to shine. For the team and me, the past four months of practice and hard work have led up to this point. Now it’s up to me to make it pay off. It’s the state championship curling finals, and for me, as captain of my team, a win here is the pinnacle of achievement. It’s the last shot of the game, my shot. Do or die. I’ve made the call. I’m standing behind the hack. I focus. I clear my head.

I don’t think about my grades. I have an AP Calculus chapter test to study for this weekend. My AP Statistics homework is in my book bag in the locker room patiently waiting for me to crack it open and finish it off. My saxophone is at home in its case, unopened and untouched. I don’t even recall if I remembered to bring my sheet music home or not. Not to add to the work load, but there is that list of college applications to complete as well.

I don’t think about my other co-curricular activities. Next week, I have pep band. I believe it is one of the last ones for the basketball season. State chess is coming up soon; I have this gut feeling that it’s going to be so much fun. I’m not expecting to do exceedingly well because it is a hobby I just picked up. As for Green Team, we’re so close to having enough money for the solar panel system for the school. In only a few more months, it will be a done deal. A win today would make up for not being able to play soccer anymore. A few concussions too many and the doctors suddenly have their undergarments twisted saying things like, “No more contact sports.”

I don’t think about the people I love. My mom, and her mom, is sitting behind the glass with the rest of the anxious spectators. They’re probably more nervous right now than I am. My best friend is sitting back there too. He’s been watching, scrutinizing every call I make and every shot I throw. A little pang of regret exists there. He’s going to college in the fall, and I’m not. If my grandfather had been here, sitting back in those stands, he would have been so proud. He taught me to curl, the game and the strategy. He is my greatest hero. This shot is for him.

I clear this all from my head in the time it takes for my two teammates to clear their stopwatches, ready their brooms, and take their positions on either side of me. I don’t think. I slide out flawlessly, a perfect demonstration of years of practice. I release the stone. It’s dead on. It’s perfect. Before even the stones stop moving, I’m half sliding, half running down the ice with my fists in the air. My team and I embrace. I couldn’t have done it without the four of them. I glance back at the end result of my shot. I grin to myself. This is my moment to shine.